I had a nice mini-discussion with a friend yesterday about the single life. About the joys and aggravations of life with a partner. And about how long we had each been without it.
I’m not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing that i no longer miss it. Does it mean that i have finally gotten totally comfortable with myself? Or does it mean that i’ve given up? Is there really a difference between the two? And all that stuff about, “When you stop looking is when your Prince (Or Princess) Charming appears”…… Well, if that isn’t total bullshit, i’ll eat my new (felted wool witches’) hat.
I mean, just think about the (il)logic of it. If you really believed that when you stop looking is when you find it, you would always be waiting for it in the back of your head when you “stop looking”, which means you really are still looking, which means you’ll never find it. And if you truly did stop looking, how would you know when it appeared?
I know. I give myself a headache sometimes.
On the flip side, there is the old saying that you have to kiss a bunch of toads before you find your prince. That at least makes sense statistically. Unfortunately, the world is full of toads. Some of them in princes’ clothing. And true princes are a rare find. You could kiss every frog in your local pond and be lucky to find a baron, never mind a prince. And you would probably end up with warts afterwards.
I stopped actively looking. No websites. No trawling. No more wishing my friends would set me up. My work and my weedlings keep me too busy to go out much anyway. So i stay at home on Saturday nights and pine after the ones who interest me while i eat pistachio ice cream in my pajamas.
I do enjoy going out with my friends. It is far better than dating because there are no hopes or expectations. They already know you and like you. Well, they like you enough to be seen in public with you anyway. They know you aren’t going home with them. And you know they aren’t going to ghost you tomorrow. You can laugh and eat and drink and make merry without discovering their political views disgust you. Or worse, you start to think they are a prince, but discover they think you are a toad.
No one wants to feel like someone else’s toad.
I’ll stick with my buddies, thanks. I’m all good.
It’s a joy to go to one of those paint and drink things with my sistas. I don’t have to explain my obsession with Harry Potter or Firefly, and they don’t laugh when i quote Star Trek. If i don’t wear makeup, and my wrinkles are on full display for their viewing (dis)pleasure, they still like me. Hell, they even still like me if i forget to bring wine! (Now that’s REAL love right there!) What more can a woman ask for?
Also, when you’re out with friends, you can eat garlic. Very important perk. All the best dishes have garlic. You also don’t have to give up stinky cheeses or spices. Big benefit! You don’t want to feel obligated to forgo yummy food because you’re worried that your date might kiss you, and you don’t want your breath to make his nose hairs catch fire. (In my experience, dates don’t like it when you burn their nose hairs.) I mean, yes, he’s a potential partner, but is he really worth giving up garlic linguine with gorgonzola sauce?
I think not.
And lets not devalue the Friday after-work decompression at a local restaurant. You can blow off steam, let go of the week, and enjoy the company of people who know exactly what you’ve gone thru for the last 5 days. You don’t have to explain every little annoying detail of unending meetings, broken interfaces, and phone calls with the daft. They don’t look at you strangely when you joke about the roach that has been belly up in the stairwell all week. You can say “The schmuckatelli drives me nuts” without having to name names. You all get it. You’ve all been there. And, not for nothing, there are nachos, and sliders, and fried calamari. All without panicking because you didn’t shave that morning. It’s a godsend.
So as i sit here, no makeup, eating chili with garlic AND beans, about to watch my favorite movie for the zillionth time (And i will quote along with it), and with full knowledge that when i go to bed tonight, no one will steal my covers… I have to say, tho there are things i miss about being half of a couple, it isn’t the worst thing in the world to be alone. There is a bright side. Lots of bennies. And no more toads. I am ok with that. Truly, i’m good. Even when i’m pining….