I just took one of those what-the-hell-i’m-bored quizzes on Facebook. This one was supposed to tell me my top 9 qualities and 3 flaws. According to this quiz (Which technically wasn’t, since i didn’t actually answer any questions. It just “analyzed” my profile), i have the following good qualities:  Brave, spontaneous, cool, attractive, optimistic, affectionate, confident, charismatic and humorous. My flaws, as it were, are: Clumsy, impulsive and perfectionist. How the hell it came to these conclusions is beyond me, tho i wouldn’t argue that a lot of them are true. I admit, i took this one three times and it came up with the same answer each time. I wonder what the program is that it uses. Or maybe it just generates a random list. Curious. It was a good time waster. Too bad they can’t make them less wasting and answer things that we REALLY want to know. Like…

Which jeans will make me look like i have a killer butt?

Why, even when i use her recipe exactly, do my baked beans not taste like my Aunt Alice’s?

Why does my dog insist on pooping beside the puppy pad?

How do i avoid weirdos while dating?

It’s not that the current whereabouts of the guy who starred in H.R. Pufnstuf isn’t interesting. It’s not that knowing which Disney princess i am doesn’t make me wonder who earns their living coming up with these things. It’s just that there are things that seem equally pointless upon first glance that might actually do me good.

10 ways to cover up the fact you don’t remember someone’s name.

10 bean-based meals that don’t taste like poverty.

10 apps that will keep you from overspending at Target.

10 things to do with the shower gel you bought before you realized it smelled like your Great Aunt Tessie.

Wouldn’t any of those be great not-as-wasted time wasters? I mean, it’s benign to take a quiz that tells me which cartoon villain i resemble. But wouldn’t it be more beneficial to come up with a  quiz that tells me what wine goes with that particular day’s meal and level of desperation?  Instead of a “Where are they now?” article about the cast of  Benson, how about a “Where are they now?” article about people i am trying to avoid, so i can avoid them better? I mean, there must be a way. It’s no secret that we have no secrets these days. Just saying, if i’m going to be enticed to divert my attention for a few minutes, at least make it worth my while.

In any case, the time i spent on the character analysis is time i cannot get back. Any more than you can get back the time you spent reading this. But i hope i made you laugh. If i did, then the time wasn’t a total waste, was it?